For You

I wish I knew how to write in a language you would understand
but I am beginning to realize
that language means nothing without action
to give it strength
you know the words to say in the moment to make me believe
that when times are rough
you will be my pillar, my rocking horse
that familiar and comforting peace
yet as soon as the door closes
the cold drifts beneath
with it goes my conviction that you will stay
you stray from me in minutes clocked
I will continue to love you as I have him
yet red years will not make you any closer to me
9125 days has only made me miss him more
and less
1825 days has only made wishing for you more bitter 
There is space within my shoulder blades that crave
the comfort of the warmth of hands holding a woven love
of lost tears, photographic smiles that were never taken,
letters in birthday cards never sent
folded up dollar bills that meant to say "I love you"
but were made silent by unstamped envelops
buried under forget-me-nots
you are so similar in your inability to commit
to this truth you helped cultivate
I will forever want you into the curve of my neck
and into my cages