December

I did not know that when the sky was vast 

my longing would subside for as long as the sun was high
as soon as darkness blessed it's presence upon the horizon
along with night would come the mourning of loss
of that life left behind

Though much of nothing besides
what resided in frames held the weight of meaning
I found it is possible to love a skeleton
as I watched the flesh melt away
flickering candle incense
wine soaked confessions
became the makings of fairy tale endings
the bitterness of cold embraces turned to flame
in the twilight

Once the moon took her residence
the sky shrugged on her violet crown
my eyes flicked open to reveal the present
ashes gently rained from my bedroom ceiling
cleansing right now from already has been
clarity came in a familiar form

I often find I am looking beyond
much past my horizons
what I most need has been waiting for me
most patiently
with the visions of the past laying in the dust at my feet
lessons made manifest

I will have to learn to love the distance
I will fall asleep embraced by and for the wind
at times risking drowning
in a river of saltwater
will have to find salvation in convictions
I will have to climb into the very recesses of my own being

The ghosts that occupy this space
are far from benevolant
entering my every waking moment
burying my face in the bottle
no longer dims their calling

Fear has been a constant companion
driven me into the arms of monsters
sometimes without me even knowing
this doubt that has cremated so many others
I know this time it will give us armor
in which to weather this battle

Without mirroring the demons
that threaten to swallow this fragile frame
it will be impossible to root a home
this time I will not chose the poison

I have done the work to strengthen my hands
and now they are parachutes
that will carry us gently
creating shelter against the wind if needed
my heart, my blood

The definition of lost has changed
and I am no longer tangled up in it