No love lost

You are right
I have thinned out
my collarbones write themselves on my pillowcase
my fucks have taken shelter in my marrow
removing their bulk from my hips
and this is something I am ok with
I feel safer in less of me
than I ever did in more of you
so I will take this restructuring
it is better than attempting to carve myself out
of shadow each morning in the bathroom
that mirror that taunts my silhouette
plays trickster games on my eyes
I am still trying to put away the pool of bluing
that wants to make bruising tracks on my face
With each sunrise it gets easier
hate and love reside on different sides of the coin
that blister brands my hands
makes it nearly impossible to be kind
to my shoulder blades

I wish I knew how to weave tapestries
that showed themselves clearly to your eyes
but I will have to settle for
shadows in mirrors and on pillowcases

whiskey stained nights
strengthen my marrow
I will continue to whisper
moonlight intimacy into the corners of your smile lines

I may find the conviction that will lead me
out of the heaviness
or I may lay down, tiled blinking
lulled percariously peaceful
by your familarity
either way, at least my knowing
tells me this has so much more to do with me
than with you

I am not bullet proof
metal shield girl
but my backbone is steel crafted
my wrists hold lines that secure
what once wanted to float away

my story slowly unravels
from blank black and white
each turned away face 
helps me understand my own spacing