To That Which We Never Spoke Of

It was undeniable
my heart did flip flops on a roller coaster
flickered in still frames
black and white dripping
focusing hard enough

I knew in that moment 
I would have to erase this outcome
nausea gripped my throat
swallowed entirely into the floor

there was no one to assist my rescue

Your laughter pierced my clouded vision
I imagined myself

drowned in the bathtub  
your indifference become
weaved into my demise

when your body is torn asunder
halves of you no longer puzzling
numbness is greedily devoured

when pain takes resident in the softness
invades your safety
comfort comes from shutting down

my body was a battle ground
waking moments riddled with bullet holes

my skin became a prison I was held in
for crimes accidentally committed
justice cares not for the begging of redemption

this murder was hanging from my hands
I dreamt of clawing it out from inside of me
the choice had already made

Hearing my own voice agonizing the end
a mouth full of anti-anxiety
shock ripped through the entirety of me

Then. Blackness.

It was over.

Our eyes never locked again
the butterflies were extinguished

littering the bathroom floor

sickness made its away
now I was nightmaring
in invisible view

this was my punishment
to be shadowed by decisions
haunted by metal
wholeness to never be again